Up for Adoption

Don't be surprised if the classifieds in the Sunday paper reads
Up for adoption. Only section A, C, D and E are eligible to apply.

I mean, I love my parents and all that and I really am not thinking about changing them. Its my section at B-School that I have a problem with. "Why?" you ask. Good question. No they are not mean to me. No they are not boring. No they don't eat human meat. And they definitely have no aversions towards Bengali's. In fact, they are actually funny. They make great friends. And they are cool company.

Then "Why? Oh! Why?" you ask.

Well, here goes... The reason is... That... They are BRILLIANT. No I'm not kidding you. They are too good for me. I mean sample this, it is a class of 70 odd people, give or take a few. We all gave our mid term papers, many of them common with other sections. And this is what statistic has to say.

Quant paper. Total marks 50. The section highest 50. Section average 40. The paper was common across all sections. Take the average across all sections, and the class average is 35. Wouldn't you call that unfair?

Managerial Economics Paper. Total marks 100. The section highest 97.5. Section average ~84. Standard deviation 8.something. The paper was common across 3 sections. Section average in another section with the same paper is 73.

Financial Accounting Paper. Total Marks 40. Section highest 28.5. Section Average 13 (I thought this will be comparable). Common across 2 sections. Section average in other section is much <13 class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">no one will choose me. But what the hell man. It'll still make me feel good to put up that ad this weekend. I am still up for adoption.

Living Like An Island

I live like an island.

A part of an archipelago, a group, a band.

I can see others around me.

But nevertheless an island I am to be.

I was 7 when as a good student in a religious Catholic School I learnt that hymn...

"No man can live as an island,

Journey through life alone"

At 7 I didn't know what it meant. Its catchy tune just made it a fun song to sing along.

Old Habits Die Hard. Even at 15 I sang it as I did when I was 7. I never thought what it meant. It was only when I left the comforts of my childhood school to join a new one that I felt the meaning. Leaving the warmth of a place I had known for the last 11 years, next only to home, was not easy. Leaving a place where everyone knew me, called out to me, smiled at me and talked to me was not easy. Leaving a place where I was a somebody for a place where I was but a name on the rolls was not easy. I walked the corridors of my new school as a nobody. I was desperately lonely. People looked through me. They didn't talk to me. They didn't even realise I existed. On one such occasion, at a morning assembly, that fateful hymn came up again. That day, at 15, for the first time I heard what I sang. I stifled my tears.

I did make friends eventually. But it took me almost a year. And till then, I spent a whole year being an island. I did everything on my own. I wasn't happy. But I claimed I was used to the solitude. I lied to myself.

Since then, I have often left a familiar place for a new one. Each time I have felt trepidation in my heart. Each time I have set foot in a new environment, I have sang the hymn quietly to myself. And each time I have triumphed over incognity.

But today I burn my bridges again. I try and build bridges with my surroundings. I fail miserably. I drift outward into the open sea with nothing to hold me down. I become an island. And I tell myself I am happy. I tell myself I have finally attained the freedom I have always seeked. I tell myself that there is no greater bliss than being a floating island with no strings attached. I convince myself of the opportunities the future holds and that can be achieved only by looking far far ahead. I keep repeating to myself that looking back is doom for me. I am sure that independence is what I seek and what I shall attain. I tell myself the hymn was only a child's song. It has no truth in it. I look into the mirror and see the smiling face of one who's happy. I also know I am a good actor. I know I am lying.